The other night as I was getting ready for bed, I noticed a new game pop up on Steam titled "Emily is Away". I had not heard of this game before, but it immediately appealed to me. It was free, it was a narrative driven game, and it seemed to be tied to relationships over AIM in the early to mid-2000's. It seemed short enough, and I figured there was nothing to lose, so I played it. Let me tell you, it may only be a half an hour long, but that half an hour affected me deeply. It should be noted that what follows may spoil your play experience of the game, so if you have any intention of playing the game, please take the half hour to do so before reading the rest of my post. You can download the game here: http://kyleseeley23.itch.io/emilyisaway
This game was crafted with love, trying to recreate the feel of being a teenager on AOL back when AIM was the primary means for many of us to talk to each other. Everything from the AIM sound effects, to the sound of Window's EXP booting up, helps bring you back a decade ago. When you start the game, you're even prompted to enter in a Screen name and your own name if you want to immerse yourself further. You can even change your font color and AIM icon! I, of course, went with the dark green color that's still my AIM font color to this day. The story centers around your relationship with a girl named Emily, and how it has evolved and changed over a period of five years through conversations you've had over AIM.
** BEGIN SPOILERS, LAST WARNING! **
We first get a glimpse into their relationship Senior year of high school, where you and Emily are best friends. We don't really get a good look at what life is like outside the confines of the back and forth messaging, but that's ok. Most of these gaps come up, and are discussed in conversation later. What comes afterwards though is an evolution of the nature of their friendship, and the changes that both you and Emily have gone through as the years go by. Missed opportunities, bad decisions, and rocky relationships punctuate the slow descent into an awkward end where you can only helplessly look on as the friendship you once had slips away, not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The game, in and of itself isn't that sad, to be fair. It's rather standard fare for these types of indie games that are more a work of art than an actual game. What stuck with me was how genuine it felt. I got the very real sense that this very well could have been an experience that the author of this game could have gone through. This game certainly came from the heart, and that's exactly where it hit me.
As a teenager, AIM was a huge aspect of my life in the transition from being a teen to being an adult. Every romantic relationship I was ever in was long distance, and AIM played a large role in having some semblance of an actual relationship in those cases. In fact, I pretty much only exclusively communicated with my first girlfriend over AIM. We spent a grand total of an hour and a half together in person, and maybe had one or two phone calls, but everything else was through AIM. The same was true for my second girlfriend. AIM had become such a staple in my social development, that to this day I still log onto AIM when ever I'm at home. No one logs on any more, and there's only two people I talk to over AIM a few times a year at best, but there's another reason I've kept it active after all of these years. I want it to be a constant, a beacon. No matter how many years have passed, if someone ever needs to contact me, they can contact me through AIM. I've had the same screen name and e-mail address since second grade, and I don't see myself ever changing that.
But this hit me pretty hard for another reason than just the AIM nostalgia. Of all the things I have in my life, I prize nothing more than my friends and my relationships with them. I was lucky, and blessed to have found so many good friends who I can count on in my life. My closest circle of friends, the ones I see and talk to regularly, may only be about twenty people, but I have many, many more people I would consider good friends outside of that. I don't add Facebook friends unless I've had some sort of meaningful interaction with them in my life. I wish I could spend time with nearly every one of them, or at the very least, talk to them more. Mostly though, I'm too shy to strike up a conversation and sometimes sending a message to someone I haven't talked to in the last month could take up to an hour for me to just hit the "Send" button. But, I'd like my friends to know, please, never hesitate to contact me if you want to talk, no matter how trivial it is. I haven't forgotten about any of you, and while I may not have as much time in my life as I once did, I can think of few better ways to spend the free time I do have talking to old friends.
But, there is more to this. While over the course of my life, I have made many great and wonderful relationships, there are also a few which turned out in similar fashion to the story presented in this game. People who were important to me that I once spent all my time with, and through time I grew apart from for one reason or another. Thankfully, there are not many, but it always hurts to look back at it all and wonder "What happened?" Losing people close to you takes all manner of forms. Sometimes, you see it coming and you begin a long protracted spiral into an ever growing distance you just can't seem to close. Other times it comes suddenly and catches you off guard. One bad fight, or an unforeseen tragedy. Sometimes we are the architects of these failures, and other times they happen for reasons completely out of our control.
For the past few months, I've been mourning the loss of a friend. It's affected me very deeply, and I try not to let it show. But every now and then the pain of loss slips through. Some days are harder than others. But I make it through because I remember that the joy of having them as a friend far out weighs the pain of losing them. There isn't much more I want to say about that, but there is something I want to ask of all of you:
As we're coming up on Thanksgiving, and you're thinking of the things that you are thankful for, remember all of your relationships. Your family, your friends, your coworkers. Most of the relationships we have in our lives will one day end in one manner or another. Many of those ends will hurt, and just as many will leave us with regrets. Life is too short to put today off for tomorrow. But it's also far too long to hold onto regrets and pain.
For the relationships we lost, let us hope that we find them again in this world or the next, and if not, that we may at least find peace. Remember the very best of everyone you've ever lost. Don't let their memory be tarnished by pain.
